Monday, December 17, 2012

Nostalgia...

This morning wasn't the first time I've cried post partum, but this was the first time I've cried over coming to terms with the fact that Julian is really growing. I always say in my posts that he's growing so fast, and that I'm cherishing it, well I definitely am cherishing it, but I never really grasped the thought until now. This morning he was sleeping on my chest(what's new? Lol) and it prompted me to compare a picture of us when he was on my chest just minutes after birth. Once I put them side by side, I slowly felt the waterworks coming. Reality just hit me in the face, stomach, ass, everywhere. It's funny that this happened today because today is Julian's 2 month check up, and he gets his horrible shots today... Cue the small violin music lol. Yesterday I was even telling Justin that I felt like I didn't get enough time with my belly, with Julian in my belly. I was starting to feel nostalgic about being pregnant. Then this morning I was starting to feel nostalgic about labor and delivery. Sometimes I read our birth story just to look back, because I never want to forget what I felt that day. What's sweet is that when we finally hung up Julian's newborn picture from the hospital, Justin said that he loves staring at it because it takes him back to that day, and it makes him feel the same feelings all over again. I know that growing is inevitable, and growth means progress. I mean I only have those two words permanently tattooed on my body lol. It's just that I know that I now have the hardest most rewarding job in the world, and that's being a mom... Someone's life depends on me. A parent is the most important teacher in the entire world. I mean, the thought of it is pretty overwhelming because that makes you feel like you have to be perfect. But everyone is their own definition of perfect, and I just have to be the best that I can be for our son, because I have no doubt that Justin is an amazing father, and will be the best role model for Julian, I just have to emotionally accept when Justin tells me I'm an amazing mom, because that's hard for me to take in sometimes. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system, and I know that in order to keep my sanity I have to maintain my sense of self. And I'm so lucky to have an amazing hubby who communicates with me and wants to know how I'm feeling all the time, and knows when I should go out for a little for some me time at target or something. I am seriously so thankful that Justin was able to take a lot of time off from work and has been home with me since Julian's birth, and he doesn't go back till January. I am so glad he has been able to be home with us so that he could bond with Julian, and just help me ease into things. Because thinking about it now, I needed and need him here this first couple of months at all times, not only for help with Julian during the day, but just to be here for me emotionally. He's so great at being here for us, and me in all aspects. I know I'll be ok once he goes back to work but he doesn't get home too late so that's good. I'm especially glad he'll be here for Julian's appointment today because I'm most likely gonna be a wreck! But he went with me to EVERY ob/gyn, ultrasound appointment during pregnancy, I know he'll be at most if not all Julian's appointments. Anyways, I do know that Justin and I need US time, and this week I'll brave leaving him with my aunt so we can have a much needed date :-). We're only 2 months down, but I've already learned so much from this amazing journey, and I know I'm going to learn so much more.

Xoxo

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